Freezing My Balls Off At #ACMS

The New Red Lion was cold. This tent in a warehouse was positively Siberian. I arranged to meet Rob and Richard here at opening time and after being a bit lost, discovered Rob Sedgebeer and he guided me safely to the almost impossible to find venue. A few other people seemed to have been in the wrong queue at a different venue too!

Isy Sutie & Nadia Kamil

Thom Tuck and John Luke Roberts opened proceedings at the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society by explaining the list of permitted heckles to us. These range from "We appreciate what you are trying to do" to "Would you like a woman to help with that", but no other heckles are allowed. One new one did make the list though after the microphones initially failed to work: "It's like Norman Collier".

Ben Target started the show by being hazed and being painted by a man with a roller on the end of his trombone.  He gave us sweets but warned us not to eat them. We didn't!

Tony Law

There was Nadia Kamil who was just learning guitar performing a song dedicated to her step mum, oops, sorry, I mean her dad's girlfriend - they are NOT getting married - ably assisted by Isy Sutie resplendent in Cher wig, bat wing top and leopard print mini dress and heels.

There was the always astounding Tony Law with his new African Elephant / Indian Elelphant / Morgan Freeman Elephant telling the story of 2 elephant's walking into a bar from both the human and elephant angle, ending with an extended Stewart Lee style conversation with himself.

Sara Pascoe and Boris Johnson (aka me)

There was Sara Pascoe, who was discussing the mayoral elections who came on as Mr Bean before revealing that she wasn't really, then pulling me on stage to be Boris Johnson. Another fellow was chosen to be Boris's opponent, Ken Johnson, but what hope did either of us have against "tiny mole". I even lost the race to the seats opposite, though did get to say a lovely poem.

There was a surly "French poet", Marcel Lu Cont, who taught us about sex and sexual positions. Unfortunately I have forgotten the name of Phill Jupitus's character who worked with all the greats from Sean Connery to Walt Disney (who plagiarised him) taking questions from the floor.

Phill Jupitus

Martin White sang a song about all the songs you can never really remember the words to, called "Something Something Something In The Morning", and the show was headlined by Howard Read and Little Howard who were fantastic. Big Howard reminds me in a way of Lee Mack, and this is a new spin on what would have been a ventriloquist act if it had happened even 10 years ago. Poor Little Howard. He had invited his "differently visible" duck friend that Big Howard just didn't seem to like. Little Howard ended the evening with another Q&A session, which was ambitious in its technical scope, but worked just fine.

#ACMS is moving on, and will next be in Shepherds Bush next month. I just hope this venue has some form of heating!

#RIPGreggJevin - The Gregg Jevin Memorial Concert

"Sad to say that Gregg Jevin, a man I just made up, has died". This was the throwaway little joke that Michael Legge came up with a couple of weeks ago on Twitter. It was retweeted. Someone else paid their respects to Gregg. It was retweeted. Within an hour or two it was the top trending topic on Twitter. I tried to Storify it as it went on, but the tweets were coming in more than one every second. Something about Gregg had caught the public's imagination and with Chris Addison, Peter Serafinowicz, Hugh Bonneville, Colin Baker, and others with a lot of followers joining in, this made a most unusual and entertaining morning. The Royal Albert Hall offered to put on a memorial show after Michael joked about the idea (unfortunately for a dreadful amount of money). Radio Times even tweeted about the changes to the TV schedule that night.

No one really knew Gregg. But suddenly everyone loved him. Though some people hated him. Songs were written. T-shirts were made. Newspaper articles were written. Proper newspapers too, none of your online blog stuff that doesn't really count. The idea of a memorial show stuck in Michael's head and soon it became a reality which happened last night at The Soho Theatre. Michael asked me how easy it was to project some tweets before the gig, so I came up with some of my favourite ones which are presented for you below.

I had met up with Robert and Heather at The Dog & Duck before the show and soon moved on to the Soho Theatre bar where I met Michael. The Trap were hanging around suspiciously as they often do, and I was glad to see that Bridget Christie was there too. But more about her later. 

Craig eventually met up with me just in time after a traumatic incident with a broken down bus and we nabbed some nice seats neat the front. After the intro slides, we had a message from Little Howard and Michael came out to welcome us to the show and we soon found out that this was a very twitter based show with only one person saying they weren't on Twitter. And surprisingly everyone was well behaved and didn't tip tap at their phones all the time during the show.

Polite Notice: I'm going to put up a few pictures of the gig shortly. There is the back of a young man's head quite heavily featured. Please do not look at that and focus your attention on the people on stage. Thanks.

Tony Law

Tony Law seemed to be running late but got here just in time to open the show. He's a Canadian guy who has been around for some time and was speaking completely off the top of his head trying to come up with jokes about Sport Relief (which this show was raising money for - I should have mentioned it earlier)

He was as chaotic and brain frying as ever, and as well as Sport Relief he touched on all the bad people that are killed by cancer, so there was a slight frisson in the room but Tony ploughed on, pulling ideas from his unusual brain. He is performing his full show at Soho Theatre in April, so that's one we have to go to.

Barry from Watford

I've heard a lot about Barry From Watford, but didn't really know what to expect. Well, he was great. An odd older gentleman. He was both endearing and repulsive at the same time, Barry brought out his rather grotesque puppet who he was at great pains to point out was not an official Disney character.

Barry spoke of the ongoing battle of the possibility of a strip club opening in Watford High Street, but the council have told him that they definitely won't be opening one.

Simon Evans

Simon Evans was next, who started with one of Gregg's favourite jokes about an Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani, ensuring a little tension in the room. Of course, the butt of the joke was the Welshman, but Simon was keen to point out that yes, it was racist, but not the bad kind. He told us he had the right to tell the joke as he had a little Welsh blood in him. But he was going to sue the transfusion service as he'd rather have tetanus...

The Trap

Without any further ado Michael brought on The Trap. I'm a big fan of The Trap (but don't tell Paul Litchfield). The Trap are 3/4 of Los Quattros Cvnts and feature Paul, Jeremy Limb and Dan Mersh. I had tweeted earlier hoping that they would do their Alphabetti Spaghetti sketch. It was sheer coincidence, but I like to think that my tweet caused them to choose that routine which was a sketch containing all the letters of the alphabet and nothing else.

After this Paul and Jeremy came on as The Two Nevilles, an old music hall style act complete with fezzes. When they boasted they finished their rather twee routine, they joked to Dan that they knew it so well they could do it backwards which Dan of course made them do, which brought a whole new dirtier meaning to the sketch which horrified both the Nevilles as it went on. The Trap are The Ronnies of today, and if you get a chance to see their shows, please take advantage of it.

"Louise Mensch" aka Bridget Christie

Michael came on to the stage for the serious bit that all charity shows have, and introduced Louise Mensch, the feminist Tory MP. I had seen Bridget do this terrifying character before at ACMS. Wearing the most grotesque costume which consisted of a military helmet and her child's mask (which was too small for her to see out of properly) she ranted about her commitment to feminism.

She asked the young lad at the front to pick her "baby" up from the stage as she didn't want to bend down in case he wig fell off. The poor boy!  "Is this really happening?" "I'm in my own nightmare" were two memorable quotes. Bridget Christie is in the top 5 comedians I have ever seen and will take every chance I get to see her perform.

Moose Allain

Moose Allain is someone that I've followed on Twitter for some time but don't really know much about. He is good Twitter value, a funny writer, and creator of cutesy demanding robot son Archie Allain. He has never performed a show in public before, but Michael loves him so much he invited him to this show. He read out a letter he had written to Gregg, both "as a useful framing device and because I don't need to learn my lines."

Moose is a must-follow on Twitter so if you're not following him already, go and do it now.

The Beatles were up next. It was quite fun to have a sing song, but perhaps a couple of songs would have been better rather than five!

Rachael Parris

Somewhat surprisingly, Ian Rankin had written an anecdote about Gregg which he had sent to Michael, which Michael read after the interval. I don't think anyone expected this, but it turns out that Gregg and Rebus became best friends. Originally this was meant to be delivered by Peter Serafinowicz but unfortunately he couldn't make it, however Michael did a sterling job!

After a slight technical hitch with the keyboard, Michael introduced Rachael Parris. She is very adorable and sweet, with an undercurrent of tragedy. She spoke about giving up drinking, well drinking alone, well drinking unbranded vodka at home, well she hasn't given up drinking.

She started with a song with the refrain "There's a little bit of sick in my mouth, and even more in my hair", followed by a love song to Gregg to the tune of Hey Jude.






Next up was the fantastic Shappi Khorsandi, but she was unfortunately beaten to her routine about having an affair with Gregg by quite a few comedians before her! she spoke of the relationship and how he changed his number quite a lot and that she often left 10 or 15 voice mails on his phone. She plays the stalker very well! She says she now gets on with his wife very well, and visits her frequently in hospital!

Nick Doody followed Shappi and touched on death quite a lot. He was at his mother's funeral and it was pointed out that he was singing along to the hymns and was asked if he was coming back to the fold. But of course he was singing along. It was a funeral...

Nick told us the worst thing he has ever said. It was recent, so he still seemed rather embarrassed about it. I won't tell the joke as it will spoil it for you. And I've also forgotten.

He ended his set with quite a grotesque mime, which I don't even dare to explain, but when some people gasped he did ask us if we realised there was no one there?

I've heard Nick on podcasts and followed him on Twitter for some time but this was the first chance I got to see him. He warmed up the crowd nicely just in time for the legendary Guns'N'Moses!






Guns'N'Moses are a "Rhythm 'n' Jews" band consisting of Dave Cohen and Al Murray. Rather than waste precious words, I'll let the video below speak for them...

After a slight delay due to a costume change, a slightly dishevelled Pub Landlord arrived wearing a Santa hat. No one questioned it. I mean, you all know Al Murray so you know just how well he can interact with the crowd. Al promised us that he would go further than Jimmy Carr or Frankie Boyle and push the envelope of taste by singing the edgiest song that exists.

Al Murray

He spoke to the young lads at the front and gave them some cash from his own pocket to get beers. He then sent one of them back to get a beer for himself. After more chat with the crowd we were ready to sing the song - "Baa Baa Black Sheep"

The only complaint I would have is that it was all far too short. I'd happily watch Al for hours. Mitch Benn brought the gig to a close with another singalong song, "Goodbye Gregg Jevin" As Michael said afterwards, the joke is now over and let's look forward to "the next stupid thing we all do"

After the show I hung out in the bar and got chatting with Lewis Schaffer, a friend of Heather's. He does a free show every Tuesday and Wednesday at The Source Below, and I've heard many good things about him so I will try to get down there next week if I have recovered from The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society the night before.

Many thanks to Michael for organising this stupid night full of stupid stuff, and I wonder what stupid thing will happen next.

RIP Gregg Jevin.

Gary Numan - Live in Sydney 2011

So, Gary performed his Pleasure Principle shows and this one from Australia has just been released for free on Moshcam. Enjoy! This is a site I haven't heard of before but I think I'm going to spend quite some time exploring it. Lots of well filmed free gigs.




 


  























































Watch Gary Numan and other great gigs on Moshcam.

The Death Of A Comedian

I first heard about Andy Zaltzman (aka Zaltar The Magnificent, amongst many other aliases) through The Bugle podcast. If you don't know what that is, then first of all, shame on you, and second of all, its a weekly podcast (or audio newspaper for a visual world) brought to us every week by Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver (you know, the English guy from The Daily Show. No, not Louis Theroux. He's not even on The Daily Show. Yes, I know they're both English. Yes they are both quite polite but cheeky middle class boys. Yes they both have similar hair cuts. Yes, I know they both have glasses. But really, there is nothing remotely similar about them. They are totally different. Totally. Now shut up.)

I came late to Bugling, but am currently working my way through the back issues of what I would describe as a perfect combination of biting satire, 80s power ballads, bad puns, forced similes (no, not forced smiles: they come fairly natuarally!) and bullshit. The Bugle still runs as an independent podcast after times online cruelly sacked both our heroes a few weeks ago.

Armchair Revolutionary

If you take away the power ballads, then that is pretty much what you get when you see Zaltzman live. I met up with Sarah and Jack in the Soho Theatre bar and we were the first through the door. It was rather strange though as when the doors were opened, every one just stood around looking embarrassed. So, we got to the front row, where we settled down. We looked behind us and there didn't seem to be many people here. We did the same 10 minutes later and it was packed.

Andy gave a few fantastic lines pre-show back stage: "Ladies and gentlemen, the show will begin in approximately  6 minutes and 48 seconds, that's 6 minutes and 45 seconds", before we heard him give a theatre manager hell for not getting all his diva demands. He argued that he couldn't balance the fruit on his head before finding that the apple he was given was perfect for this role before the soon to be fatal accident occurred.

The end of Andy Zaltzman

Andy took to the stage with an arrow through his head, in a possible tribute to Steve Martin. He does have a unique look: Those of you who caught the BBC programme about the Late And Live comedy night in Edinburgh would have heard him abused as looking like Sideshow Bob, Mick Hucknall and many many others. But for me, I think of him as Charlie Chuck's son (If you don't know who he is then look him up).

He called NHS Direct and was eventually told that the arrow through his head would give him 66 minutes to live, so he decided it was best to crack on with the show. He had road tested some of the jokes in the most recent Bugle, so it looks like this show is constantly developing. He has an old fashioned looking radio which, he claims, will provide him with stories to satirise (he is fully qualified he tells us).

He hits the targets a Bugler would expect, but from an unusually silly angle. He even manages to speak on the current events in Syria and make us laugh, where an unqualified satirist may make us uncomfortable about such a terrible topic.

#savethebugle

Finally 66 minutes is up, and Andy slumps back into his chair before the lights go out and the theatre assistant covers his lifeless body (perhaps another reference back to his infamous Manchester gig) with a shroud. We all awkwardly file out, nodding our heads in respect to this great man who gave his life for bullshit. Well except for me. I took a picture.

Armchair Revolutionary: You have until Saturday to see this show and you had better do.

#SAVETHEBUGLE !

My Ideal Woman Is A Black Man

Bridget Christie as Louise Mensch (feminist)

So said Zeus, as played by Tom Golding, along with his unlikely named co-god, Nathan (William Andrews). I shamefully couldn't remember their names, I mean, I could picture them, but after 16 amazing acts, it's difficult to remember names. Thanks to Tom for reminding me!

Rob & Alex Edelman

The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society had its final show night at The New Red Lion last night. The venue has been sold, which is a shame. It's had so many great acts and club nights on. Good news though. ACMS will be on next month in a big top in Dalston. Thanks so much to Thom Tuck and John Luke Roberts for putting this night on.

This night was utterly mad and brilliant. We didn't get any acts talking about their toasters only warming the bread or burning it black. We got, what I can only imagine is something as exciting as alternative comedy was like in the early 80s. I was to young and living too far away to experience it live, but I can imagine The Dangerous Brothers would not look out of place on this stage.

We had a man playing Guess Who with hammers and eggs, a woman trying to eat 4 eclairs in a minute, the country and western awards, an actor with his Northern unreconstructed wannabe-comedian father "Cock is for jokes, Penis is for examinations", Sara Pascoe, and a new nervous female comedian who just wanted to make friends, and an amazing trio of acts to end the show.

Isy Sutie

Alex Edelman from Wisconsin came on during the country and western awards and he dragged Rob on stage to suggest which jokes he did from a larger folder that he gave him. Of course, Rob enjoyed giving him the most awkward jokes possible.

I had seen Isy Sutie just a few nights previously at the Frank Skinner & Friends show (but due to toilet issues hadn't seen much of her act!). She came on and did a couple of songs including about her driving instructor, Sue. Isy is always adorable and I can't imagine anyone not falling in love with her. I had met her in the interval outside but assumed she was here as a punter rather than an act so it was a nice surprise.

Lou Sanders

Bridget Christie was on next as "Tory MP, Louise Wensch - I AM A FEMINIST!" with a hideous mask and Nazi helmet. Wow. She was astonishingly good as usual though I'm sure a few people didn't know how to take her. Why is she not more famous? I have been asking this for so long, as she is easily one of the top 5 standups in the country. I imagine it may be to do with the way she dresses?

Thom and John Luke cut through the backdrop for the next part with their Stanley knives before being reminded that Bridget was still changing behind it. As she heard it she bellowed through "I AM A FEMINIST!" one more time, before Lou Sanders was introduced.

I'm a big fan of Lou's and have seen her on a number of occasions. Tonight she had possibly had a few beers and slightly forgot what was going on. But again, like Isy, she is strangely adorable and she managed to get through her set in the end without too many casualties, even though she had attacked two of the tables with a big knife before throwing it into the stage.

ACMS is an astonishingly good night and I hope it thrives, and like alternative comedy in the 80s, I hope it can soon become the mainstream and displace the John Bishops and McIntyres and become the mainstream of tomorrow.

See you in Dalston!

Frank Skinner and Friends

A few weeks ago my mate who took me to Dara O'Briain suggested we go to see Frank Skinner. He is doing a show with a different headliner every night as well as a cabaret act. I had a look at the list of who was on and chose Thursday to go as Richard Herring was headlining. Though, its a good line up. I would have been happy to see any of these bills.

We met up at Halfway To Heaven and had a couple of pints downstairs. Andrew's flat mate Marc joined us and we were having such a good time it got to 7:45 before we noticed the time and hot-footed it to the theatre.

We were in the balcony, but the second row from the front and near the aisle (where I like to be). Andrew faffed around for a bit getting his jacket off, etc etc and we sat down.

Frank came out told a seemingly random punchline to a joke. It seemed an unusual start, but he then explained that he likes to end the show on a cliff hanger and it was the punchline to the joke he had told last night. He started to chat to the crowd but the first guy he spoke to on the front row wasn't giving anything back, so Frank was forced to admit defeat and go elsewhere. He next found a lad who claimed to be a geography teacher who turned out to be an actor who had come with his mother. Frank suggested to the mother, Christine, that if she was easily offended she put cotton wool in her ears, and she played along with the joke brilliantly. He played a George Formby song for a little singalong, but all in all Frank was taking a while to warm himself up I think. He did point out 2 empty seats on the front row and commented on how annoying it was.

Joe Lycett was first on. His opening line was about how he farted non stop for 14 seconds, and he knew that because he was watching Countdown at the time! He read a great string of emails about someone taking offence to his character on Epic Win and he won over the audience fairly easily. He was followed by Isy Sutie (I almost feel contractually obliged to the write "Dobby from Peep Show") She is a very lovable performer but I was so distracted by the wee I needed to have that I couldn't pay enough attention!

I snuck out for my wee, and it was amazing. In the time between starting and finishing my wee, 2 other guys had come into the loos, done their wees, washed and dried their hands and left. It was astonishing. I got back just as Isy was ending and the first half had come to a close.

In the interval I chatted to the theatre manager and managed to wangle our way into those 2 front row seats. Of course Frank noticed and asked where we had come from, possibly hoping we were latecomers. I explained we had come from the balcony. Frank asked the balcony en masse if they were having a good time. Yes they replied. And are you glad these 2 lads have left you. YES came the response even louder!

Next up was the Jive Aces. They were a swing band in the style of Darts from the 70s, and they were truly joyful. All dressed completely in yellow they played 3 or 4 feel good songs including "Bring Me Sunshine". I was disappointed that they finished so soon.

Richard Herring came on to close the show and performed his fairly standard club set. I was delighted of course when Rich got to his "pity fuck" line and pointed straight at my mate. Added on to the end of the material that I know probably too well, was the soon to be classic Fererro Rocher routine. I'm not sure what happened write at the end, but there must have been some offence taken as Rich said he was glad that he could disgust a Frank Skinner audience!

The show came to a temporarily confusing end, where he started to tell and old school pub style joke. but of course, we never heard the punchline...

St Sanders

So I haven't written anything for a while. I was going to write about the Godless show I saw in December but by the time Heather announced she had a free ticket going spare I was quite drunk and can't remember a lot of detail. I'mm off to see Frank Skinner tomorrow so hopefully will have something new to say then.

However i have been trawling my YouTube favourites and rediscovered this clip which makes me laugh more than almost any other clip on the internet. So I thought I would put it here.

Byeeeee !