Los Quattros Cvnts is one of my favourite comedy nights on the first Wednesday of the month at The Phoenix in central London. I've written about it before here and here. Fun, silly, and extremely friendly. I brought along Cvnts virgins Ken, my big brother, and Priscilla who I work with as well as meeting up with a couple of Cvnts stalwarts - Sir Bob, Graham, Neal and Rob.
After a now traditional bit of grub in the Old Explorer opposite, we headed into the extremely busy Phoenix and lurked by the door. We were called downstairs at 7:15, which was remarkably early, although we soon realised this was so we could stand on the stairs. This was actually lovely as it was a lot cooler and less noisy here.
Thanks to the ever lovely Muki, we got seats right at the front. This worried my brother and I reassured him that it was safe and he wouldn't be picked on! Although having watched an Al Murray DVD earlier in the day, he didn't believe me.
The Cvnts opened with a sketch about the film Inception, but having never seen the film, it went a little over my head. Michael had said before the gig that he was exhausted from his travel to the far east but luckily had to drink a can of Red Bull in this sketch. What a stroke of luck. It's almost like he wrote that in deliberately! The moved on to a job interview sketch where the job being interviewed for was job interviewer. This was pretty intricate involving Dan and Jeremy playing three characters at once. I think I mentioned before about some of The Trap's sketches reminding me of The Two Ronnies, and this was another great ronniesque sketch.
Paul and Jeremy's jaded babies were back, and then it was the turn of the extremely erotic Sean Goldsworthy, with another attempt at "choose your own" erotica where he asked a member of the audience to pick from the options he had written. When I saw Paul do this last month I had assumed he had scripted it so it would always be the same, but he has in fact written pages of it, and his "jump to page 44" instructions are totally genuine.
Jo Neary closed the first half with some character based comedy, my favourite of which was the new comedian who had just finished a comedy course.
Interval time next, and it was so good I can't figure out words to describe it. But quite possibly the best interval ever. Then again, there was that interval in the late '90s I remember so clearly, so scratch that. The interval was alright I guess though.
During the interval, Paul had mentioned it was a shame they didn't have time to do one of the sketches, but luckily they managed to fit it in for the second half. Dan was reading us a story from Fiesta to let us know the literary merit of such porn stories, while Paul was revising his London A-Z. This was a lot of fun with Tourettes style interjections of "Cockfosters" and "Mudchute". Very very silly, and a lot of fun.
Finally it was time for Al Murray to perform. I think everyone in the room was very excited. Usually at LQC the headline act will be someone known in the comedy scene, but it's rare they get a household name. I guess the only person as big as Al that's been on there would be Jason Manford quite a long time ago (He was superb by the way)
Al confirmed to us that he's one of the best comedians around to riff off the audience and the first 40 minutes or so was just him talking to us and obviously giving us some cheeky abuse. He noticed Priscilla's pint, asked her what it is, and told her that it was unacceptable. He picked it up, and to Priscilla's astonishment, downed it! He also cnofiscated a glass of white wine from a lad in the second row. He sent a young lad with emo type hair that he had already nicknamed "Crowboy" to the bar with a tenner out of his own pocket to get a replacement and came back with a white wine for Priscilla, although I ended up sneakily drinking it when Al wasn't looking. After abusing people for their lack of "proper" jobs (such as marketing, publishing, and writing for Torchwood - or Touchcloth as Al named it) he went on to ask us to name any country in the world and he would explain why Britain was better which he managed to do with an impressive knowledge of history!
After the gig we had a brief chat with Mr Murray at the bar, who by now had changed out of his landlord's uniform and was now sporting a rather dapper hat, and I mentioned to him that Priscilla was unaware of "the rules" and he told us that for the landlord, there are no exceptions. Very funny man and a true gent.
Next month the special guest will be a rather tall man who works with "extras" in movies and used to have an "office job. You'd be totally mental not to come. See you there!
The Fortnight Club has been running for around 20 years in various venues near Angel, Islington. It was set up by such comedians as Lee Hurst and Alan Davies in order to try out new material, and is the longest running new material night in London. Until recently, it was situated at The Camden Head in Angel (not Camden). I had visited there a number of times and was always struck by the venues disinterest in the club. There were never any posters, or even an arrow pointing up the stairs, and the staff never seemed to know when the show started or even if there was one.
The first time I came here, the show didn't go ahead as there just wasn't anyone there. Another time, Milton Jones and Tony Law amongst others performed to just two of us. Anyway, a month or two ago, it was announced that The Camden Head were no longer going to do entertainment, so The Fortnight Club were on the move. This, I thought had to be a good thing. I was not keen on that particular pub as either a bar or a venue, and recently a new comedy club in Angel, The New Red Lion Theatre has opened, which to me seemed like an ideal venue.
This was announced on Facebook and I managed to win a couple of free tickets. I took my friend Richard, who had been to this venue before to see Richard Herring, probably because it's less than 20 seconds walk from his house.
Announced on the bill tonight were Fortnight Club stalwarts Mary Bourke, Tony Law and around 7 others. The compere was the fantastic Ronnie Rigsby (aka Logan Murray). As it turned out I was disappointed that there was no Tony Law, and poor Logan was ill, however that was made up for later.
I had two awkward moments before the gig. The first was when I wanted to visit the loo. The only signs to tell me which was which was a picture of a lion on one door, and a panther on the other. I looked from one to the other before confidently striding into the panther door. I quickly left! (Richard pointed out to me later that the panther was probably a lioness.)
Outside I met Nick Helm outside having a cigarette: "It's Nick isn't it?"
"Andy" he said
"Good to see you again Nick"
"No, I'm Andy"
It was getting confusing.
I said "Sorry I thought you were Nick Helm"
"Who's he?"
"A comedian"
"I'm a comedian called Andy Onions"
Well that was the second awkward moment of the evening. I said hello to Mary as she walked in and she mentioned that there was something in her set inspired by me. This was worrying and I wondered which of my idiotic Facebook updates she had seen!
Simon Clayton took over as compere for the evening and introduced our first act, Dylan Bray. I had seen Dylan before and enjoyed his set, especially the joke where he said that he didn't mind if his unborn child was a boy or a girl "just as long as it was straight". He explained that this joke went badly yesterday and made two girls cry and spent some time explaining the thought processes behind it.
Simon introduced a comedian by the name of "Adam Tempest" - I whispered to Richard that he sounded like a superhero. He was a rather tall skinny lad in glasses that didn't quite fit the name but he was rather funny.
Sanderson Jones (and Richard)
Jo Romero was up next but I couldn't take my eyes off her boots. I really don't want to be unkind but I did whisper (very quietly) to Richard that it looked like she had forgotten to take the back half of a pantomime horse off. However, her material soon distracted my attention from the boots! Luke Benson closed the first half with what I think was a very funny set. Unfortunately his Geordie accent was so incredibly strong that I probably only understood about 3 minutes out of the 10 he was on stage for! I have no problems with Sarah Millican or even Ross Noble, but I found that I really had to concentrate hard.
After the rather uneventful break things moved up a notch with Tony Cowards. Not someone I'd seen before, but he rattled off a host of one liners that Milton Jones or Gary Delaney would be proud of.
Ivor Dembina. Not a name I was familiar with, but certainly an unusual performance. Not many words were spoken at first, but he looked round the back of each side of the curtain, before slowly coming back to the microphone and declaring "Well I don't know where Maddie is.", then putting comedy to one side and lecturing the audience about how Live At The Apollo is filmed and why comedy audiences were stupid to go to DVD recordings and pay for the privilege. An interesting, if one sided discussion punctuated by one man standing up, muttering "Fucking shit" and walking out.
Mary Bourke was up next and had come up with some "mum cusses" as she didn't think the ones that the teenage boys on the bus told were good enough, mentioning one that she had heard where one boy claimed his friend's mum had "wooden legs and real feet". At a previous gig she had applauded the wit of the boy, but since I had pointed out on Facebook to her that it was an old Steven Wright joke, derided him for his plagiarism.
Marian Pashley was the penultimate act and she certainly tickled Richard with a quip about her retort to mothers with pushchairs ramming them into the back of her ankles: "Do that again and I'll punch your child in the face."
The Fortnight Club, and I'm sure other new material nights, are great places to see comedians that you haven't seen, or even heard of before, trying out new material. Yes, some of it isn't polished; some of it might not work. but it's a chance to discover people that you'd willingly go to see again. So far at this club I've stumbled across both Tony Law and Mary Bourke and tonight I have found another great comic to add to my list. Sanderson Jones.
Sanderson Jones
He was our headliner tonight and as soon as he came on had the audience in stiches. He remarked on his remarkable resemblance to Jesus and even got Richard to be his lectern (for no apparent reason) to hold his notes. We spoke to him after and in October he is planning a big gig in October at Union Chapel with no tickets advertised in the press, no tickets available on the phone, no tickets available on the internet. The only way to buy a ticket is through him directly as he will be flyering his own show. Now I don't know if I've broken a rule of comedy by telling you this or not, but I didn't sign any contract.
Now, on an unrelated note, if you've read this before Wednesday 2nd March you have no excuse not to go to Los Quattros Cvnts at The Phoenix, Cavendish Square at 8pm to see LQC (The Trap + Michael Legge) with special guests Joanna Neary and AL MURRAY ! For only £7. And they even give you £2 off if you say "Bum" at them on the door!
I thought I'd write a blog today about music. Not musical comedy. In fact, nothing to do with comedy at all (though you may think different when I mention some of the bands I like)
I started going to comedy gigs around 2 years ago when I looked at the bands playing my local venue (Islington O2) and realised I hadn't heard of any of them. Most of my favourite bands didn't exist any more and I had no gigs to go to. I'm still rather out of touch with contemporary music now. I followed The Brits a little on Twitter last night and saw Mumford & Sons being slagged off, and I couldn't even join in because I have no idea who they are. The Kings Of Leon, Kasabian, The Killers.. I mean, I've HEARD of them all but wouldn't recognise them walking down the street. I have probably heard their songs and would know the song when I heard it on the radio, but I can't possibly match it to the band.
I think this must be a general thing that happens to 40-somethings. Pop music is not for us. But all the same, pop music today is SO BORING. Where are the current Sex Pistols, the new Nirvana, the contemporary Beastie Boys? The closest we can come to NWA seems to by Tiny Tempah (can't be bothered to check if I've spelled that right) - and he's a hip-hop guy that your mum would like.
Music is extremely important to me, and whenever I'm on a the move. I'm constantly plugged in and if I've run out of podcasts to listen to I have my iPhone set to shuffle on my carefully considered playlist. (I used to have whole albums on my phone but now I only have songs that I'm not tempted to skip)
Until I was 11 I wasn't that bothered about music. I remember liking Space Oddity and Long Haired Lover From Liverpool when I was about 5 and I would hear my big brother playing his Queen and Status Quo, and my step sister playing her ELO and Elton John and quite liked it, but never took much of an interest. I was too young to remember punk. In fact I don't think punk happened in the little Scottish seaside town where I grew up.
I can probably break down my musical education into specific sections, and there are certain people who have shaped this.
Gary Numan
1. The Numan years
This all changed in May 1979 when I saw Gary Numan (then performing under the name of Tubeway Army) performing "Are 'Friends' Electric?" on Top Of The Pops. (See, I even got the punctuation right!). He was so different to what I'd ever seen. He looked nervous, cold, he barely moved, and the music was unlike anything I'd ever heard with it's booming synths. Me and my friend Leslie were instantly hooked and would run home at lunchtime every Tuesday to see where he was in the charts. This was when a song would usually enter the charts at number 30 or so, then next week might get to 20, and it would take 4 or 5 weeks to get to number 1.
I became obsessed with Numan, but wasn't allowed to buy his records (or any records). This changed when I was 15 and spent a few months in a children's home - another story - where I bought 3 Gary Numan albums for £2 each from another boy. I played them constantly, analysing the lyrics, writing my own Numanesque songs.
Gary Numan - Are 'Friends' Electric? - Top of The Pops
2. New Wave
Bowie
A boy at school called Spencer saw the latest Numan LP (Warriors) in a slightly see through John Menzies bag and wanted to become my friend. He lived about a 20 minute bus ride from me and I would go round his house a lot and listen to his records. He had a lot more than me, and rather more diverse. He told me that Gary Numan wasn't the best, and played me albums by David Bowie, Japan and Talking Heads. He told me that Numan was trying to copy Bowie which meant Bowie was better. OK, technically Bowie IS better than Numan, and although I liked him, I still preferred Gary. However my musical taste was beginning to broaden.
3. Thrash!
Slayer
I was round at "Spenny"'s house another time (I guess 1987 when I was 18) and he told me he had to play me something really funny. t was Slayer's "Reign In Blood". We laughed so much - it was ridiculous - it was so fast, the guitar solos seemed completely random, and they were singing about Satan. For a Christian boy like me, it seemed so dangerous! I asked Spenny to tape it for me, and I would play a great joke on my cousin (I was sharing a room with him at the time as I was living with my Aunt and Uncle). When I got home I would play it really loud and pretend to him I liked it. Haha - this was gonna be great! I listened to it on the bus... and I actually started to like it! I was a thrasher! A few weeks later I was at Spenny's again and he let me hear Master Of Puppets by Metallica and Into The Pandemonium by Celtic Frost and the deal was complete.
Tom G Warrior - Celtic Frost
When I moved to England in 1987 I saw a poster advertising a thrash band called Dross (with an amusing Bros style logo) who were playing in a pub nearby. Now I had no idea that you could see bands in pubs, so I went along and loved it. They changed their name to Killing Faith and never got famous, but it was then that I realised that you didn't have to be famous to be in a band, or that you could happily be in a band without getting famous. I still have their demo tapes at home and still play them.
4. Punk Rock - Nirvana & Husker Du
In 1988 I had started my first job, working for the Meteorological Office, and I shared an office (yes in those days we didn't have open plan - it was amazing) with a younger lad called Simon Osborne. He was pretty geeky with a big mop of curly hair, but sort of awkwardly cute, and he knew SO much about music. He played guitar - jazz guitar mind, and thought nothing of spending nearly £1000 on a Paul Reed Smith. He also talked a lot about American punk rock. Now, this eventually became to be known as grunge, but I didn't and still don't like that term, so I'm gonna stick with punk.
Nirvana
He mocked me for my devotion to thrash metal. I would play him an AMAZING Megadeth guitar solo and he would look non-plussed. He would ask me where the emotion was, he would explain that there were no dynamics in the music and eventually he made me a mix tape. This mix tape would change my musical life again.
I wish I could remember exactly what was on it, but it certainly contained Negative Creep by Nirvana, some Mudhoney, Jesus Lizard, Sugar, Nomeansno as well as others. I would play this over and over again but couldn't find any of these band's records anywhere. They were the first group of bands I got into that just weren't famous enough for Our Price to stock their records. Simon told me of an independent record shop in Camberley (where I lived) called Rock Box that I visited, where I bought an album from my favourite band on the tape - "Bleach" by Nirvana. I wore this record out, and when I found they were about to release "Nevermind" I pre-ordered it and became a HUGE Nirvana fan. They soon became huge, and I would visit Camden Market looking for the latest bootlegs of their gigs that you could buy on cassettes of varying quality from stallholders there - this was in the years before YouTube, or even the Internet.
Simon asked what I thought of Sugar and I told him I wasn't that keen because the singer's voice reminded me of Phil Collins. Looking back I can't see that any more, but he persisted and told me that if it wasn't for Bob Mould's previous band Husker Du, then Nirvana would never have existed. He taped me the whole Husker Du back catalogue and for over a year Husker Du were my favourite band of all time.
Husker Du - Live 1981
5. Industrial and Alternative
For a few years I was seeing this lad called Greg and he would ban me from playing my beloved Gary Numan or Nirvana whenever he was round. At the time he would play Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, Meat Beat Manifesto, Nitzer Ebb and other bands I considered a racket. Again though, my musical tastes started to expand as I appreciated what NIN were doing.
Trent Reznor - NIN
I think I was converted to industrial music when, as a birthday treat, I bought Greg tickets to see Consolidated at a venue somewhere in London. I fully expected to be bored by this, because as well as being industrial-based, they also incorporated hip hop and dance.
Fuck - I loved it!
Again through Greg and his friends I discovered bands such as Faith No More and Alice Donut. A whole world of bands were opening up - Primus, Green Day, Rage Against The Machine, Revolting Cocks, and Sheep On Drugs, leading me to rediscover the greatest and funniest Canadian punk band ever - Nomeansno.
Nomeansno - It's Catching Up - live
The Jesus Lizard - Puss (live)
Now through all this time, I still loved all the other music I had discovered. I hadn't cast it aside, though I put thrash metal on the back burner until about 3 years ago. I formed my own band, Mouthfull and we played together for around 5 years. We were a "queercore" band, which was a scene which had splintered from the Riot Grrrl movement and we played with bands such as Sister George, Pansy Division, and even Tom Robinson. We almost had a residency at the only gay alternative club in the UK at the time, Club V - again remember this was way before clubs such as Popstarz, and before it became acceptable for gay lads to be into any sort of indie music.
Mouthfull - No Limit (live)
I discovered a plethora (good word!) of little bands that no one had ever heard of, and probably never will. - Sleater Kinney, Team Dresch, Gertrude...When that band ended in 1999 I started losing touch with the music scene, and didn't see my band friends as much as I used to.
These days I'm stuck in the 90s. I'm happy with this. I have a great combination of New wave, industrial, thrash, alternative and punk on my phone, and don't HAVE to listen, know about or even acknowledge the dreary dreary dreary mum loving music that passes for pop today. Big thanks to Spencer, Simon, and Greg!
Finally, a little Spotify playlist for you all so you know what the hell I'm on about !
Gutted was the talk of the Edinburgh Fringe. Having never been to Edinburgh I had missed it, and my long-running fear of musicals meant that I didn't go to see the previews at The Riverside Studios beforehand.
Gutted was written by Martin White and Danielle Ward (Dave Gorman's sidekicks on his Absolute Radio show, as well as the creators of Karaoke Circus), and stars Colin Hoult and (for tonight after only 2 rehearsals) Isy Sutie: better known as Dobby from Peep Show.
The story is one of joyful revenge. Sorrow (Sutie) saw her parents killed by her husband-to-be (Hoult) and spends the next hour and a half of the show murdering his entire family. The show had been described as Glee meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with jazz hands as well as inappropriate violence and was an absolute joy.
Photo stolen from Edward Moore's Facebook page.
I met up with Hitch, Misha, Jack Binoculars (if that IS his real name), and Simon at The Montague Pyke. I think Jack may have chosen this as a "Precious Little" pilgrimage as it is now a sacred site where one of the first "pubcasts" were recorded. We treated it with the reverence it deserved and drank beer.
We got to Leicester Square Theatre (seems that all the bigger gigs I go to seem to take place here) and joined a rather odd queue. No one was moving. No one seemed to really be queuing so Hitch and I just went to the front and picked up his ticket and ended up being first to the bar. If we hadn't, the whole night could have been ruined.
Now I have a 6 week residency in seat A14 for the next run of AIOTM so was naturally upset to see someone else sitting in "my" seat. However I was in A11 so it wasn't too bad. I could still keep an eye on it.
"Gutted" has an extremely talented cast. I would happily pay the same money to see any one of them, so seeing so much talent on stage was a treat: As well as the aforementioned Ward, White, Sutie and Hoult (who played the entire Bewlay family) we also had The Penny Dreadfuls (David Reed, Humphrey Ker, & Thom Tuck), Michael Legge, Margaret Cabourn-Smith, Sara Pascoe, Doc Brown, Lizzie Roper, and for all you 90s indie kids out there, Jim Bob from Carter USM.
As this was a concert performance, I think the only reason I could have enjoyed it more would be to see the full play with sets, costumes etc as I did get a little confused as to who was who and may have got lost a little along the way. The original play was backed by a rock band. This time Martin had written a full score with his Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra which must have been a massive amount of work.
Thanks to Martin for allowing me to post this clip of "Pretty Amazing Guy" (sorry for cutting Humphrey's head off but he IS too tall.)
There was a Q&A session after the performance, hosted by Robin Ince, so Hitch and I took some nice comfy seats at the side. Unfortunately I must have relaxed too much, swallowed my cider the wrong way and coughed uncontrollably, soaking my jeans and any unfortunate passers by. Luckily there weren't any. I hurriedly left the main room in a cloud of tears and shame and spent a lovely 10 minutes coughing and choking to death in the toilet. And to my amazement, Hitch actually found this funny.
Jim Bob (Thanks to Edward Moore again)
Colin Hoult and Isy Sutie
(Stolen from Edward Moore)
After the show I met back up with Hitch, Jack and Simon. Unfortunately Hitch had to go and get his train and we spent a little time chatting with Jim Bob. After JB let us into some unrepeatable showbiz secrets, I told one of my own involving Elastica. I'm not sure how this happened, but lets just say "Elastica" prompted Jack to tell us a story about his ex-girlfriend's vagina. At this point I went to the loo and Jim Bob quickly made his excuses and went to talk to someone/anyone else.
I hope Gutted will be back and if you don't like musicals, go and see it. It will cure your phobia as it seems to have done with mine. Also, make a note that The Trap's "Bad Musical" shall be doing a run at The Soho Theatre soon. That's one you won't want to miss!
Most of my "real" friends have never heard of Stewart Lee. Or Comedy Vehicle. But my friends in the comedy scene look upon it with great reverence. And rightly so. When it was announced that the BBC had commissioned a second series, we couldn't contain our excitement. Well, we pretended we could so as not to embarrass ourselves by looking like excited girls in front of all the other "cool" comedy geeks, but we were all really wanted to whoop and dance with glee. And squeal a bit.
I was at a Soho pub waiting for my (then) iPhone hating friend - (oh it's all changed now since I wore him down and he finally got one. I shall forever cherish one of his texts to me: "I'm sorry I ever doubted you") - when the news came through on Twitter that tickets were available. I immediately applied which was quite frustrating with a really crappy Internet connection and texted my friend Rob to do the same. A few days later, both of us had 4 tickets.
Tuesday:
So on the Tuesday I had arranged to meet Rob, Richard and Sir Bob at the venue. It's a great little working men's club in Newington Green called The Mildmay Club. (Is that patronising? I think it may be. But it's not meant to be.) We met a good hour before the doors opened and I ended up only 6 from the front. There was a bit of a worry when Rob Sedgebeer explained that SRO Audiences often give out a large amount of priority tickets so I had almost assumed we wouldn't get in and had thought of seeing Mark Steel at the nearby Hen & Chickens.
But the doors opened. We were in. All the people who couldn't be bothered to get to a previous SRO recording on time had their special pink wristbands, but we, the true fans, had the scummy green ones. We were directed by a lovely and incredibly camp man to the bar with a free drink ticket each. Luckily we were so close to the front as the queue for the bar soon became enormous, but I got a bottle of cider and we grabbed a table. There was a TV set up in the bar which was showing a live feed from the main room so I presume that the people who couldn't get in had the option of watching it here.
The barmaid was very efficient at collecting empty bottles. She approached my bottle and I explained there was some in there and went to rescue it. She decided to help out by filling up my glass and pouring the rest of it all over my iPhone. That's a new method of customer service I hadn't seen before. Anyway no damage done, and the priority people were called in. Soon afterwards the green wristband scum people (us) were called in and again, we needn't have worried as 60 of us were allowed in. (We were numbers 7-10)
Well I'm not going to put any spoilers in here, but Stew came straight on to do 2 x hour long sets with a break in between. There was no warm up act which was quite an unusual move for TV comedy, and it did mean that the audience were a little quiet for the first 10 minutes or so. Topics included his grandad's obsession with crisps, commenting at length on Adrian Chiles and Russell Howard's efforts to raise money for charity, moving to the countryside, visible otters (including a 15 minute one way conversation with an estate agent about how the show was going), a rant against emigrants (massive prawns!), and Mock The Week.
Stew, as in the first series, used an off stage cameraman to directly address the TV audience at home, the assumption being that they were hating the show and having to explain any difficult material to them. This worked a treat on the first series and there was a point where the cameraman was shaking with suppressed laughter which has to be a good sign. No warm ups, no retakes, just a great 2 hours of comedy with none of the usual faffing that is often the case with TV recordings.
We went to a pub the other side of Newington Green afterwards to wind down and headed off home. Now Rob had never seen Stewart Lee before and is coming again tomorrow. I'm going to tweet that I have spare tickets and if you are free and have any sense you will come along too.
Wednesday:
Bob and Richard couldn't make the Wednesday show, so I had two tickets to get rid of. I never thought it would be so hard to offer people free tickets to see Stew, but it was a bit of a trial. My brother was going to come but since his mobile phone stopped working it's been difficult to get hold of him, so eventually I managed to give my spare ticket to my friend Marco. he did tell me that he didn't "get" a lot of comedy so I was slightly worried as Stew isn't really an "entry level" comedian. I needn't have worried though because within 10 minutes of the show I was worried that at any moment he would accidentally spit a mouthful of beer over the person in front of him. (Incidentally I ended up sitting behind Sideshow Bob which I found rather typical and irritating.
So I got there again with plenty time to spare and was again right at the front of the queue. I had decided to wear my Richard Herring "Virgilio Anderson" t-shirt as some sort of subversive act. Marco and Rob joined me and we got into the bar rather quickly. Now, as I said, they have a TV set up in the bar so that anyone who can't get into the live recording has the option of watching it, but they had set out the seats in rows already which, bearing in mind how packed the bar was yesterday seemed like a mistake. However the bar seemed much quieter which was weird. However within 15 minutes it was heaving. They had been letting people into the venue much slower this time which certainly helped the congestion at the bar.
We got seats in the third row; the same row as yesterday, but this time towards the left and much more face on to where Stew was standing. This time, the camera he would address the viewer was stage front rather that stage left which was just in front of where we were sitting. The first part of the first set was a routine we saw yesterday about moving to the countryside, and this time his imaginary conversation with the estate agent took a rather different direction. Next was a discussion about how comedy today is different to comedy in the '80s: "In the '80s all the comedians hated the Tories, now they hate their electrical appliances", as well as a great routine about Al Qaeda, and how he finds them rude - "I can't bear them."
This set was enlivened by 3 walkouts. Now I've since seen it reported on Twitter that people had stormed out, but in reality I think they were simply desperate for a wee. Stew however had a lot of fun with this with a very bemused response about having never, in all his days, seen people walk out of a TV recording. One was bad enough, but by the time the third guy tried to sneak out in a rather optimistic hunched way, the audience erupted with laughter. Stew later told us that he would try to include this in the final edit, as it would make a change form the usual Live At The Apollo cutaways where you see Lulu pissing herself! He finished this set with a song I wrote about in my last Stew blog about hack lines used by lazy comedians.
The interval came and went. Rather uneventful. Nothing to report.
The first half of the second set was his long story about his grandad and his love of crisps again. Stew seemed distracted and we could see the odd smile and smirk on his face. He stopped the routine for a few minutes and picked up an empty bag of crisps from the front row of the audience and said he had to move it as whenever he saw it he had to stop himself laughing. The end of the night saw a long story about how he thought he was friends with David Cameron when he was a student and how he organised pop groups for parties held by himself and other Bullingdon club members. This was a lower key set with fewer laughs and more poignancy but when they did come it was really worth the wait.
In fact you need patience when you see Stewart Lee. He delights in his silences, and pauses far longer than any "normal" comedian. This of course, as well as the anticipation of the punchline is often funnier than the punchlines themselves!
At the end of the show someone in the front row (not sure it was the same person with the crisps) dropped their glass, which smashed on the floor. Stew asked for it not to be cleared up so they could get a close up and asked the person to stay in their seats at the end to get a close up of their feet.
A very funny, unusual, odd and satisfying night.
Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle will be broadcast at some point in the future. I'm guessing spring time. Watch it!
Mick Karn was "the best bass player in the world". Well, so I said when I was a teenager and had a best guitarist, drummer etc. Now I know these things can't be measured quite so simply, but to the grown up me, Mick was still the best bass player in the world.
The sound he made with the fretless bass was so unique, you could always tell when Mick was playing on a track. From Japan to Gary Numan to Kate Bush and his solo work, his technique made it sound although the song was melting through your speakers and it was very rare to hear Mick play anything obvious, The keys he chose were so unusual, so odd that instead of focusing on the singer, I would always listen to the bass lines, and there aren't many artists who would have that effect. I mean, who listens to the bass player more closely than anyone else in the band? (Apart from bass players.)
I never saw Mick live, but I was turned on to Japan via through my best mate Spencer at school, who moulded my musical tastes for years to come. Japan were often dismissed as Duran Duran wannabes, mainly because of their looks, but they were so much more than that. They were often criticised for copying Roxy Music, mainly due to David Sylvian's remarkable Ferry-like voice, but, to me, again, they were so much more. Japan never achieved the commercial success they deserved, splitting up after one hit single, just as Duran and Spandau were about to make it big.
It was announced in the middle of 2010 that Mick was suffering from advanced stages of cancer. I guess I assumed they would be able to make him better, and my hopes were lifted when reading that Pete Murphy and Karn were planning a new Dali's Car album any time soon.
Unfortunately this wasn't to be, and Mick died yesterday surrounded by his family. Not since Kurt Cobain in 1994 have I felt so affected by someone I never knew dying, and to finish this off, here is a Spotify song list featuring what I think is some of his best work.
2010 was a good year for Richard Herring. A successful tour of "Hitler Moustache", with a DVD in the shops, a run of 10 live Collings & Herrin podcasts at Edinburgh Festival, the release of his book "How Not To Grow Up" as well as continuing with the As It Occurs To Me (AIOTM) podcasts and becoming a regular on 6 Music every Saturday morning with Andrew Collins. To cap it all , his almost record breaking score in Celebrity Mastermind. What will 2011 bring?
Well it's bringing us "Christ On A Bike - The Second Coming" which is currently running for 5 weeks at The Leicester Square Theatre before Rich takes it round the country till the middle of May.
COAB is a reworking of a show he did 10 years ago which features Herring's fascination with Jesus, although he is a confirmed atheist. I don't know how much has changed since then but it's a good opportunity for Herring to get the show on to DVD at last!
Rich has possibly booked the worst time of year to start a 5 week run in the West End. Christmas week, although good for Jesus, isn't so great for audiences, and the first week in January isn't ideal either as we've all spent our money. However I was hoping to go with a couple of mates tonight who ended up not being able to make it, so I went to the theatre by myself and just paid on the door.It also doesn't help sharing a week of the run with Stewart Lee, who I will be seeing on Wednesday. If Lee & Herring fans are going to go to one of the shows, then for Lee would be the obvious choice (with him being on telly and all that..), but I urge you to think again (You've had weeks to see Stew!)
Rich has mentioned on his blog that the audiences are not as large as he had hoped and this was confirmed tonight. There were 60 people in, and although that's a fine audience for a small comedy club, it's not ideal when in a 400 seat theatre.
The show started and Rich certainly didn't show any lack of confidence but did state at the start that sometimes when a show goes really well he would love to thank every member of the audience personally, and that tonight he probably could! The audience, to me, seemed rather quiet, although everyone did seem to be enjoying themselves. I imagine that some people, in a small audience in a big room may feel too self-conscious to let themselves go.
Rich On A Bike
The show is not as serious or hard hitting as Hitler Moustache, but the poster and the title would lead you to expect an offensive anti-religious rant, however this isn't the case. COAB is a light hearted and playful look at the Bible as well as comparisons between Jesus and Richard: "I'm not saying I'm the new Jesus. That is for other people to say". God's clumsy writing technique is criticised in a passage about the 10 Commandments, and Richard reads out his genuine application to become Pope (addressed to The Popefinder General, Vatican City). It hinges around a dream where Herring has a Tortoise and Hare style bicycle race with Jesus (I won't give any spoilers as to who wins but I'm sure you can guess.
A tape of his mum's voice echoes round the theatre "If you don't believe in Jesus then why do you spend all your time thinking and talking about him?" Just the thought of Rich asking his mum to record these words is extremely funny in itself!
After the break, Rich launched into his extremely impressive and hilarious genealogy of Jesus, all from memory, along the way asking searching questions about some "Boaz of Rahab" and others. He lets us into the trick of how he memorised these 40 or so generations and the secret is the most unusual noise I've heard coming from anyone on stage. It would make a very confusing ring tone.
The audience had certainly perked up by this point and seemed to be committed to a great night out. The show came to an end, though I could have happily listened to more. Grudgingly I had even agreed with Brian Logan about one supposedly weak line in the show, however what Logan failed to spot was that "Jesus" told Herring off for it towards the end.
By the time I left I had drank maybe one or two drinks more than I should have done and went on some rather lengthy twitter conversations which i was highly embarrassed about the next day, but I guess that's what happens when you go out in the afternoon then decide to go the the west end on the spur of the moment to see a show.
Christ On A Bike is a great night out. You could even bring your granny or your vicar. Londoners, get your tickets before he hits the road and come to The Leicester Square Theatre before the 22nd January or if you're one of those provincial types, check Herring's gig guide for details of venues. I don't give 'stars' and stuff in my little write ups, but if i did I would give the full amount of them (minus one as I don't like comedians to be too cocky!)
See you on Wednesday for Stewart Lee! Why not see Herring beforehand at the same venue and make it a Fist Of Fun special!
